Have been keeping up with the Sandusky tragedy. And something occurred to me, what is abuse? I mean, I know what abuse is, but I wonder does everyone else. To most of us, abuse is something like what is going on with Sandusky, laced with overt violence and abuse of everything. Sandusky was the epitome of the monster that we read about in novels. But is that how most abuse transpires? With screams and cries and pain and a terror that we can only imagine in our worst dream? No, most sexual abuse is not like that.
When I was a child, from the ages of 9-12, I was abused several times and in several ways. The odd thing was that I have never looked at my being abused by older women as abuse. At least twice that I can remember, my family became aware of my being abused. And even though it was stopped, I was given congratulations for my ability to get an older woman and keep her coming back. And even now, when I know that them coming back was not due to any skill on my part, it is a fond memory.
The thing is, in hindsight, I can see that this easy acceptance of what happened to me and the blurring that I repressed, were factors in what I would later do. Now this is not me making excuses for the decisions that only “I” made. But to be able to understand this issue, every factor must be examined and there can be no doubt that this was a factor.
So mom and dad, when little Luke at 9-years old is caught doing dirty deeds with the girl next door, who happens to be way older than him, and you laugh and clap him on the back and tell him how lucky he is, don’t be surprised when he ends up here.
What I am really trying to say to you here in this one is that abuse doesn’t have to be violent; it doesn’t have to be something that scares you, it can be something that brings fond memories. But the harm that it does can be just as bad, because of the insidious nature of this type of consensual sexual abuse. The cycle of sexual abuse is often perpetuated in this way.
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