The First Step: I did this; I am to blame
Just read an article by a Rich Snowdon. In it he talked about spending time in an incest offender (i/o) therapy group. Not sure how old the article was but the view of the personalities of these offenders hurt me some. Not because I feel it isn’t true but because I know it is.
In this article, he spoke of the general make up of the men as ordinary average men. This I knew. Then he spoke about their denial and blame of others, that this is the norm.
Wanted to Snowdon and ya’ll that any father who sexually abuses his child makes that choice knowingly. The thing is, it is a hard thing to admit. I read what he said and wondered if I am different. But no, I did my share of blaming others. Now though, I can admit that blame wasn’t real, it was me trying to cope with this monstrous thing that I had done.
Snowdon’s article also taught me something about power, specifically the power a man has over his children. This applies to anything but is especially humbling to me when I apply it to what I did. Even if I personally used no violence that threat was always there in the back of my child’s mind.
When I read this, I realized it was true. I am still learning. I struggle, not with what I did, per se, but with information, with help. The prison system says I am not worthy helping because of my life sentence. I disagree and I get information wherever I can.
Snowdon’s article is one more piece in my puzzle to: 1) Understand myself and what I did so that I don’t do it again, and 2) Understand the greater issue and how I can help be a part of the solution to the problem that is the sexual abuse of our children.
Peace,
The Unforgiven
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